261010

*Just a bunch of random prose writing pieces I wrote in school :)

Let's live while we're young. Let's roam the big scary city on bikes and nothing more but $3.50. We'll live off each others presence and company. We'll build up out place of beauty where no-one can cause us harm, hurt us or leave us without reason. Let's push ourselves tot he limit in order to achieve the impossible. Let's sail the pacific ocean in 24 hours. Let's stop the wars and corruption in 3rd world countries. Let's bring peace and joy to those who have been sad all their lives. Because whilst we live on this very earth, we're all in this together. This very earth that disrupts and intervenes all that is good. But let's turn all that is bad, good, and all that is good, better. It's too wasteful sitting around thinking "hmm can't believe those people were treated like that" or "look at those poverty stricken kids on the streets" why ask yourself that when you're not going to get off your lazy, selfish ass and do something about it. Because you live in this world too, ans as long as you're apart of this world, then make a damn contribution because our world is becoming more unjust and more inadequate every single second of our lives.

You have to know that I love you. I don't even remember what I was doing with myself before you came long. All I know is life was miserable and I don't ever want to go back to that...ever. I might be incredibly dreamy in thinking this is all real, and the fact is; this is all really true. It's not a dream, it's not a fantasy, it isn't me writing another one of my unrealistic prose pieces. It's not a blog, it's not a cute picture from Tumblr. It is real life and I don't think I've ever been so thankful for having someone like you step foot into my life. It just makes me wonder where you've been all my life...? Finding you was just fate. Instant attraction, connection, interesting and fascinating vibe. I'm so curious and anxious but also excited to see what the future holds for us. But baby you're right, life is too short to be sad, I've spent enough of my life locked in my own little fortress of solitude in pain and misery. You really came into my life at the right time. You saved me from myself; doing any harm to myself. You stopped all that. And you brought me peace and joy. Baby I can't imagine my without you now...I'd be so lost, so heart broken and without breath. I love you...

At this point in time I feel as though I have everything I've ever wanted. Things have really fallen into my lap an they have all been perfect. Although I don't believe in the word perfect...there is no actual fixed meaning for it. If I were to define perfection, it'd have to be; the flaws and imperfections that make up a beautiful and amazing person. Someone with a bit of awkwardness and insecurity. Someone who accepts them for who they are, no matter what.

That's why I think we make up the perfect equation. The unbalanced life that we both live really make up those little flaws that are accepted and loved. Those little quirks and flairs that bring out the best in someone. That's why...we make sense.

xx Veronica

241010

My eyes wondered to you, your arms wrapped around me for the very first time. It was this electric vibe that rushed through my body, but I completely ignored it, because I never thought anything of it at first. I spent the night crying over something that didn’t even matter. Tears that fell for no fucking reason. You wiped them away, you held me the night. I came home and I saw what a mess I’d caused, and the humiliation I felt. Sobering up, all I could really think of was “who was it that held me all night when I had traces of thrown up alcohol on me...” And it was you. Slowly I just started to feel my heart beat whenever we talked. Beating to something so new and so refreshing. I was so afraid to admit what was going on, because I was so unsure. Fearful of another loss in my life, something that was far from what I ever wanted. All the fear was there, it was definitely there, but you somehow rid me of my fears. I no longer doubted myself, nor did I ever question what was going anymore. I don’t know what kind of magic spell you casted, but I hope it never fades away. I hope this magic lives forever and ever because now that I have you, the only scary thing is, what if i lose you...

Baby, what’s going on here is something I’ve never even dared to dream of. The past has affected me so much that I never thought I’d be able to feel this way again. It’s the way you’re curious about me that makes me feel so special. The way you understand the way I operate that makes me feel cherished. How you seem to remember the little details about me that makes me feel like I’m worth something. It’s the way you compliment me and I actually start to believe it, and that makes me confident in myself. How you send me random “I love you” messages that makes me feel like I’m truly loved. The way you hug me around my waist that makes me feel secure and safe. The way you kiss me that makes me feel comfort and warm inside. The way you make me abuse my keyboard with gibberish that makes me feel like a little silly girl that has a crush.

It’s like you’ve awakened my life. And I know I’m not perfect because nothing is in this inadequate world. I can’t promise to solve all of your problems, but I promise to stick them out with you. I can’t promise to be your perfect girl, but I promise to try my best. I can’t promise to have all the answers, but I promise to search for them with you. Sometimes, things just happen, and when you happened, I decided that you’re the only one I ever want. I don’t want anything else. I say I want you to take me places, but the truth is, I’d rather spend a whole day with you sitting at the beach talking about everything and anything. I show you the beautiful houses, mansions, and sky high priced apartments, but the truth is, I’d rather live in a tiny shack, as long as I have you with me, it’s more than sufficient. I don’t live in the materialistic world, I’m not a material girl, I’m a dreamer, and I’m in love with you. And that’s all that matters to me now, and forever.

I love you Kevin, now&forever. Forever&always. Its you and me...for life. ♥

221010

Take me as I am.

I am Veronica, 17 and an absolute dreamer. I want excessive things in life that I may not get. I want the intangible things that are hard to find and even more difficult to keep. Love, respect, freedom, knowledge and happiness. The beautiful things of life.

I'm forgetful and clumsy because my mind drifts so quickly. The realistic world scares me. Actually, it scares the fuck out of me. It scares me because the world is so inadequate, and it is so dishonest in every single way. So, the question is raised; can a person gain happiness here? In real life?

Being the dreamy person that I am, I like to imagine myself as a character in a book that I'm reading, or a film that I'm watching. So today, I guess I might relate myself to Dorothy from Kansas. Walking the yellow brick road, and I make stops every now and then. I'd meet new people who become new friends. A friend with knowledge and common sense like Scarecrow, a friend with the heart of gold (or should I say tin) like Tinman, and a friend with absolute courage like Lion. And as we link arms, and walk down the yellow brick road, we come across obstacles that slow down out journey, destruct our path and prevent our happiness. Then there are times where we stop at a split road. "Just follow the yellow brick road"...but which way to we turn? Left? Right? Or do we turn around and just go back...

Would I take the right road? The risky road? Or no road?

xx Veronica

211010 ~ Just A Little Something Special :)

I hope you enjoyed watching baby :) just a little something to show you how much I love, adore and appreciate you. You're amazing, and I'm extremely lucky :)

I love you.

171010

WOW, its the 17th October 2010, and 17! 12 months left till I'm officially legal ;) The birthday texts, calls and facebook messages really touched me. The things that people sent to me, really made me feel loved :)

I've had one of the best birthdays yet, and hopefully more to come. I spent the day with people I love, in the place I love. What more could I possibly ask for?

There was only one thing I guess, my best friend couldn't make it, I wish he was able to come, but family stuff held him back, and at the moment, I'm just really hoping for the best for him <3

Regardless, I had a great day, and a great start to a brand new year of my life. 17th year, and it has already been amazing. The new people, new loves and new friends have fulfilled me already. Things are happening swiftly as I write this, and I'm hoping everything will be better and amazing as I continue writing my chapter in my book called "Life".

I'm excited, anxious, a little nervous but willing to risk all to experience what I deserve. In my book, my protagonist takes on new challenges, threats and adventures. She learns more about life, makes more mistakes and new regrets. The new characters that enter the chapter will bring forth hardship, love and sadness. It's all going to start unravelling...now

xx Veronica

151010

It was only a few months ago that I thought I could never trust a person nor love a person for a very, very long time. I let one person get in the way of my happiness and my sense of reality. I was fearful of confiding in another person, because the more I let out, the more they let go. That's what I thought for a long time. Not only that, I was afraid of losing more people in my life, because when someone I love and care for leaves, they take a piece of my heart with them, leaving me with barely anything to live for. But right now, I feel like I can do absolutely anything. I feel as though, if someone threw a challenge or a threat at me, I'd be ready and prepared to face it with everything I have. I'm slowly rebuilding my stability, my confidence and my self-identity that's been hidden for too long.

My grade went to a retreat camp for three days, and the things we were faced with had everything to do with my fears. The fears that I overcame, slowly with the help of the people who have truly been there for me. The people who I've learnt to truly appreciate and thank. I've also learnt to leave all the baggage that use to pull me down, step away from the negative impacts and the regrets, mistakes and bad decisions, and just move forward. The world's inadequate, but God is always generous. I know that now, I can see it through the eyes of all those who love, care and support me.

xx Veronica

131010

You saw me at my best and at my worse. You appreciated me as the person that I am and always will be and that is something truly special. Within hours, you saw the dramatic and almost extreme alters in my emotions from happy and excited to misery and nausea. You didn't question me, nor did you get angry at the mess I had caused, instead you stayed by my side at just the right times. Although my state of mind wasn't exactly lucid, I was still able to appreciate your presence and your hold when I was unstable. You made me feel like I was the only girl there.

I wish I wasn't so fearful of meeting people. I wish I allowed them into my life instead of pushing them away. But when I met you, your sense of interest and curiousity in me allowed myself to let you into my life. Soon enough into my mind, and right now, the depth of my heart.

I haven't been able to stop my smile from appearing on my face everytime I see you and everytime I talk to you. Some days, I find myself lying in bed, listening to music and my mind just wonders to you. I wonder what you're doing, where you are and what you're thinking of.

I am in love with the warmth you transfer to me inside and out whenever your arms are around me. Those two nights we've been together, I wish hadn't ended.

When I think of you, the words electric, strange, time and memories always seem to cross my mind. You create a new electric vibe through my body, it's what's keeping my personality alive. You make my body tingle strangely, I haven't felt this way in such a long time. I almost forgot how good it feels. When talking to you, it feels like time is running out. It's as if time literally runs out the door as rapidly as it could go. But that just makes me treasure and cherish you more.

I'm awaiting for us to create our new memories. Everyday is a new day shared with you. I learn something new and interesting about you and for that I learn something new about myself, that makes you special in my eyes. You make me so nervous and so comfortable at the same time, and that creates butterflies not inly in my stomach, but from head to toe. What have you done?

I giggle to myself all the time, thinking of you. Because you brought something to me that I haven't felt in months; you brought me happiness...

I think I love you.

xx Veronica

101010

Who knew the 16th year of my life would be this crazy and dramatic? If you asked me, I would've thought turning 16 would merely mean; my hair grows a little longer, parents become a little less strict and a little more gullible. School would be harder and studying more intense.

Actually, now that I think of it, turning 16 created every single emotion I could ever think of. Maybe that's just me being dramatic...

Everything that I assumed, well let's just say, I really did make an ass out of u and me...(hehe)

My parents were much more lenient with me, but I took away all their trust by stupidly getting caught with an ex boyfriend. Oops, it had to happen at some stage didn't it? I sound arrogant about it now, but I was shitting bricks when it happened. I also thought that I had found my true friends. I guess you won't know who they really are until you look down from heaven and see who truly grieves for you.

At this very moment, I have the most amazing friends. Some new, and some that have stuck by me from the very beginning. School teachers say the transition from year 10 to year 11 is a massive leap. But I think it's turning 16, well for me so far anyways. I underwent some excruciatingly painful experiences and some unbelieveably magical moments. For a really long time, I went through the phase of wanting to retrace time, pick up my mistakes and undo all the unbearable knots. But now, I think I know better than that. It's true what they say, everything happens for a reason. I've made countless amounts of mistakes, but being human, not making a mistake is impossible. I've been told that I've changed for the worse. I guess some changes of myself have trule been negative. Isn't it all apart of the process of growing up? Its like trying on clothes. You buy something new, just to see how well or how badly it fits. Sometimes a shirt, a dress or a pair of shoes may look good for only a period of time, right? Well sometimes, a persona or a change in a person may only fit for a particular time period. In the end I'm still me. Still fearful of losing people, still unknown to the unjustices of the world. Still trying to fit in with the unfittable world. Still trying to find out who she is, what she wants to do and where she wants to go in life. Still a curious confined girl. Still me.

For the past 12 months, I've been too caught up with my selfish self in order to see the pain that people around me are in. Too self centered to see how my actions and wrongdoings are affecting others. For years, I've been living in my own space. Reclusive to the rest of the chaotic world. I cared too much about what people thought of me. Secretly, I had no self-esteem. Secretly, I was afraid of judgement. Poeple looking at me and thinking the worse. Because that's what I, myself was doing. I was relentless in my opinions and thoughts.

Now, I don't care enough. I've never been able to care at just the right amount. Either too much, or too little. I'm tired of over-analysing, I've given up on what anyone says about me because 99.9% of the time, it's utter bullshit. Unless, it came from my own mouth, it's all shit talk. I haven't become negatively influenced like some people say. I'm not corrupted in any way. What's happened to me, is that I've grown up, and I've learnt to get over the things that don't matter and aim my focus at one thing. My happiness. The past month, this concept of seeking happiness has really worked for me. I'm slowly finding out about the more significant things in life.

I've had my fair share of relationship break-ups, intense emotional break downs, failing school and living in fear. I've made the most stupid mistakes a human being can possibly make, I've pushed away amazing people that I wish were still here, and I've done things not many people would approve of. If I were to judge me, myself. I think I'd be frowning at me. But thinking that way, I'm only human aren't I? I might be a little crazy, a little gullible, stupid and foolish but everything I've done, and the way I've lived, I'll keep living. Everything I've done, I will never regret, because every single second in my life is precious. Every laughter and every tear I've had in life, contributes to strengthening the person I am at this very moment.

All things that have stomped me down, laughed at me, judged me and back stabbed me, I'm glad to be able to stand up and say "fuck you, my life is as I live it"

Those special people of mine who have stuck by me, I love you, and I hope you'll continue loving me for who I am. I say; Lets run this crazy race together and strip down that finish line (no sexual innuendo intended =P)

And sometimes, in life, things don't always go your way, but they'll always go the right way.

xx Veronica

011010

It was only a few months ago that I thought to myself; I'm going to rebuild this lost foundation and make it perfect again. It was only a few months ago, that i thought life was unbearable without him. It was only a few months ago, that my closest friends lost me as a human being. Only a few months ago, that I lost myself in mid air. I thought all this talking would lead to something that was existent months before. All the thinking, all the false hope made me lose my mind and I was lost all over again.

But now, I've realised that rebuilding a foundation that has crumbled so far into the ground is almost impossible. Realised that life isn't really all that unbearable, it sure is different, and kind of difficult. I've even noticed the changes in myself, looking at my reflection and my actions from months ago, I realised that wasn't even me. I was so caught up in making things "perfect" that I forgot who I was, and who I really am. Once and for all, I have to let go of what has been causing me misery, and welcome the real happiness that I truly think I deserve. Being able to feel liberated, and to let go of all the scars, and the sadness, gives me the chance to re-obtain myself as I am. Let those in, instead of pushing them away. Live in confidence, rather then grave fear. It's sometimes the little things in life that allow you to put the bigger pictures into great perspective. No time to be held down by someone that only brought happiness once in my life. And that one time was really magical, but it's not the most important thing anymore. Right here, right now; that's the most significant.

xx Veronica