210410

♫ Can we pretend that airplanes In the night sky Are like shooting stars I could really use a wish right now ♫

Everyone likes to wish upon a star. I used to do it every night. I wish for really small stupid things. Things like, "I wish my crush will like me back" "I wish miss isn't there tomorrow so I don't get in trouble for no doing my homework"
Small wishes that don't really come true. We know that wishing upon a star won't come true. Why do we still do it?
Hope.
Everyone wants that one bit of hope in their life. Even if everything has fallen apart, and nothing is left
everyone hopes for that one bit of magic leftover to placate themselves. I don't believe in magic, I like to pretend I do, but really, I don't. Incredible things have happened to me, some things I can classify as a magical feeling, but I honestly don't believe in the swish of a wand and something can happen. Stubborn of me right? I guess I like to live in reality. I like to look at the world as it is. Harsh, cruel, judgmental, and frightening place to be. I know in life, I'll never be able to feel safe. I'll never be able to trust anyone but myself.

xx Veronica

200410

So school's started. I've had so much trouble settling myself on the inside. Its great seeing friends again, but I think I'd rather stay home and just sleep the pain away. The assignment phase has passed by...in slow motion mind you. Now for exams. Crucial I tell you. I haven't been able to sleep properly for days. Sleeping at 3am, waking up at 7am. 4 hours sleep really fucks me up. I've been told to take sleeping pills, but what's that gonna do? I've learnt this one thing about me. Pills just don't work with me. Any ache I have in my body, aspirin simply does not agree with me, and it's as if I hadn't taken the pill at all. So I tend to just let the pain whither it's way through my body, until I'm restless and on the verge of banging my head against a wall just to see blood. Maybe my entry today is dark, and a tad depressing. Sometimes I just want to scream! I do. I scream into my pillow all the time, but god, does nothing. Then I feel like crying. You know that feeling where, you want to cry, easily let it all out but you just can't? Something's not letting you tear up and cry. Even when I'm watching A Walk to Remember, or The Notebook. Sometimes, it's good to just sit there. Blank minded. Detached. Not speaking, not moving. Just blocking everything out.

xx Veronica

140410

I've recently been on a website that has gotten the whole world talking! Chatroulette, and Omegle. Two webcam/social networking sites where strangers from anywhere in the world are able to connect with the great invention of the internet. I've been on it quite a lot with my friends and cousin whenever they sleep over. We met some extremely friendly people, and some who were...too friendly. Some people gave us their Skype, in which we still keep in contact. Two boys from the US-Virginia who talk to me from their college dorm rooms which I think is absolutely awesome, they cracked my best friend and I up today. I also met a guy from London, who likes to send me links of odd things, haha. And lastly, a hairdresser from Sweden. Sometimes you can't tell if a person is nice or not, not unless you really talk to them. I guess on websites like Omegle and Chatroulette, if they have all their clothes on, and don't ask you to flash once, they're nice people. Haha, it's good to meet people from across the world. You don't realise how different they are, and how their life operates. I got questioned a lot when I told them I'm from Australia. Their usual reply would be "uhh..you're asian.." haha made me laugh. Now, I seriously can't wait to travel the world and see all the differences from other countries. Should be extremely interesting.

xx Veronica

This Is the Story of My Life

This is my life. Filled with hurt and sorrow
Even if I overlook the horizons that bring me tomorrow
Life likes to fuck with my mind
Always behind, always confined
I turn to the streets, pick up some pills
Who gives a fuck anyways, I got nothing to fulfill
Dreams, goals, wants and needs
I'm striving everyday, I have a mouth to feed
Sometimes I deal, sometimes I steal
I have a dream, but it's so surreal
Cutting knife's edge, everlasting pain
Go to the extreme, collapsing brain
My head and my heart, they just keep insisting
No one ould care even if I was missing
Life is a sham, life is a highway.
I want to be a billionaire, I want it my way
I want a fast car, living in the fast lane
No troubles, just paradise on my lane
But all the hurt, the terror, it's pain
Give all my love, but receive none in return
Let thunder strike my heart, leave it there to burn
I've lost my trust, I got no faith
I've lost my mind without a trace
I want your love, your touch, your embrace
You said no one would ever intervene
But what came between was obscene
I'm lying on the ground, beaten in and out
Crying to myself wondering what it's all about
My blood is dripping, it slowly spills
On the floor it leaks, as a blade rationally kills
I sit and stare, as time stands still
My breathing grows weak, I can feel the chills
I rest down a stool, I rest down some rope
I kick down the stool, I whisper "God, give me hope.."

Written by Aurio Ngo & Myself :)
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090410

"I think that the only reason people hold onto memories so tight is because memories are the only things that don't change; when everybody else does."

I've been downloading my childhood memory TV shows lately and I'm proud to say that I'm really enjoying them as I've always had. Arthur, Fairly Odd Parents, Rugrats, old movies like Charlie & the Chocolate Factory. Shows and movies like these really bring back memories from years ago where my family was still stable, and everyone actually liked everyone. I remember coming home from school with my cousins who lived next door, and we would sit around watching Arthur at 3.30pm everyday. Not a day would we miss it. Such child like innocence. Parties would be sitting around the TV, watching our uncles and musical aunty sing Karaoke. Birthday cakes would be made by two of our professional bakers in the family, tiramisu (sorry if its a misspell), and blueberry cheesecake. Always top notch quality. The beach would be a family tradition, during the warmer seasons, Spring&Summer, the beach is the number one place. Chipping Norton, Royal National Park and of course, our family beach, Wollongong. The road trips would be epic, all the kids in one car, and the adults in another. My uncles, grandpa and dad would get a place and set up for their fishing. Aunties, grandma and mum would prepare the food, and getting the kids into swimming costumes. I'd be with my other toddler cousins, playing in the sand. There's videos that record most of these memories, and I remember a tree that we'd always sit under, a strong branch sat over the water, and my uncle would carry us so we'd hold onto the branch, let us go and we'll be dangling from a branch till we eventually drop into the water. These memories seem so long ago, and it's so good to reminisce. It's too bad we can't relive them, since everything's changed now. Cousins are across the globe, some we don't know where. Family hate each other. Things aren't the same. I wish they were.

xx Veronica

070410

"There's so much I had to say I know the words I left behind
And now I'm caught in a daydream with nowhere to run and hide
The world rushes by me, it's leaving me here all alone” ~Alanis Morisette Rain

I'm slowly losing my touch. Waking up in Autumn, sure the weather is inspirational, but the days are so lonely, even when people talk to me, even when I come into contact with people I love. Everything is slowly moving forward, as I, myself slowly drift behind. Something strange is happening, something that I don't like. The feeling of insecurity, the feeling of loneliness and coldness. Everyone, and everything that I love is slowly drifting away from me as I stand back and watch. I want to stop it from happening, but I just can't be bothered. Can't be bothered for anything anymore. I'm losing my sense of touch, sense of love and care. I just don't care anymore. About anything. I love the fact that when you think you know someone, they can just as easily turn around and stab you in the back, and all you can do is be angry and rage. I've been told that I'm an awesome person, with a big heart. What can a big heart do, when there's no one to love. Illiterate of me, but; life fucking sucks.

xx Veronica

060410

♫ I feel it's gonna rain like this for days, so let it rain down and wash everything away
I hope that tomorrow the sun will shine, with every tomorrow comes another life ♫

We have now entered the beautiful season; Autumn. Where writing becomes easy, because my inspiration would be the weather that surrounds me. It's cold, it's raining and the skies are gray. I would wake up to find my room freezing cold, and my feet constantly trying to find the warmth under my blanket. I shift my blanket up and roll around thinking of what to do for the day. Holidays have come, and will soon go quickly. A lot of drama has happened these past few days and I'm starting to doubt my ability to choose the right friends who really do love my company. Maybe I need to re-think my decisions and figure out who I'm really suppose to trust.It's funny in my life, where when something good happens, something else has to come crashing down. It's raining. I miss a special someone.

xx Veronica