270211

It's been such a long time since I've written. There's so much to do these past few weeks. I've almost gone through half of year 12, in no time, I'll be having 3 months of doing absolutely nothing, then BOOM...my life starts. It starts for real. There's not going to be second chances in messing up, there won't be year coordinators, teachers and school friends to tell me what to do. In a way, it sounds like my dream come true, however, it also means I'm completely on my own. It's nerve wracking, it's exciting and I keep saying how I can't wait to get out of school; but I can imagine myself sitting next to Johann & Phoenix, locking arms with tissues and crying my eyes out all the way to graduation mass. I still remember my year 10 graduation mass...and now we're looking at the HSC exams. My whole dedication is to school, everything I do from now on, will be for school (apart from the TV series marathons, the excessive amount of sleep and food).

I've also been around my family a whole lot which I'm happy for. Although, not all of us are present, the ones that are, might as well give me a smile on my face. Our weekly get togethers give me a chance to just laugh and be happy.

xx Veronica

060211

I always do this to myself and I'm so sorry. Sorry for my heart, my mind and my soul. I hate lingering. It's such a lonely and cold feeling. It's hard for a person to move on after such immense feelings for somebody. I'll admit, I remember how happy and united I felt when I was with you. But I also remember that short period of time where I felt liberated and independent. I don't want to feel as though I'm in need of affection all the time, because I need to know that I can survive without another person, that I can do it on my own. Right now, my mind is driving itself to hell because I don't know what I want. I went away for a while, certain that I'll find what I'm looking for, and now I've lost it. I despise not knowing what I want because my heart is like a huge confusing jigsaw puzzle.