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"I must not fear. Fear is the mind-killer. Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration. I will face my fear. I will permit it to pass over me and through me. And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path. Where the fear has gone there will be nothing. Only I will remain."
--- Frank Herbert, Dune - Bene Gesserit Litany Against Fear

I'm afraid of many things in life. Not little fears like spiders, nor big fears like death. The thing I do fear, is time. I fear the future. I fear the present. I fear the past. My past overlaps my present, and the future affects my present. I don't know if it's just me. But I seem to really be afraid of running out of time to do things. As seconds pass, I find myself sitting here staring into space, not going out there and doing the things I've always wanted to do. I say I want to be able to publish a book by 25. I keep writing, and deleting, or not finishing. My poems is totally amateur writing. Will I reach that stage where I think to myself...I give up? Will I be able to move out of my house and into that great apartment with my best friend? Will we be able to drink coffee together on the balcony, then go off to work? All these fears of "what ifs" scare me.

But I've realised something. Even if I don't make it in life. Even if I end up on the streets begging for money to feed myself, I think I've achieved one thing. I tried. Trying isn't for the weak, or the losers. Trying is hoping, hoping is dreaming, dreaming is reaching for those stars above. And if I miss a star...I'll go straight for the moon. So I will reach that far. I'll reach right into the galaxy. I'm going to do what it takes to earn me that apartment on Harbourside. I will wake up to the strong aroma of coffee, and I will read my favourite book on that balcony. My best friend and I will then walk onto the streets of the beautiful city and farewell as we go off to our dream jobs. Come home to dinner, talking about life, and sleep. Simple, happy, comfortable lifestyle is all I really need. Isn't it what everyone wants? I don't need a billion dollars in my pocket to make me happy, sure it'd be quite convenient...what am I on about, it'd be absolutely amazing. But without it, I think I'd survive this harsh, cruel judgmental world. Making 30-50k a year will placate me. Until I get these things, I won't stop. Sure I'll sit here and day dream till I go into a state of depression and the desperate need for these things, but I'll also be working my ass off to get to the places I want to go. That one place, is happiness for myself and those I love.

xx Veronica